did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
