Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
