I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you made out with another girl for some wings
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
