i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
