The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
