I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
