How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
