I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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