you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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