I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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