at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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