I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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