I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
