can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
