I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
