Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
