My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So much rum. So many feels.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
