You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
