im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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