If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
