i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
