Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
