you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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