I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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