I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
