You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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