Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
