she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
