I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
