sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
