did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
