man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
