the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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