Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
