her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
