Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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