The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The adults are the big ones right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
