I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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