i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
