dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
