So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My liver just had a heart attack.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
