I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
