Welp...herpes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
