I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
