he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
