He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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