im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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