I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
