i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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