nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my shit smells like andre
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
