I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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