1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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