I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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