You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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