I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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