On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
