Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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